He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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