It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
