i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
