I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize