we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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