The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just had sex on a roof
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
