ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
