think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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