that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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