i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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