At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
