I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
