its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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