She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just high enough for therapy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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