I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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