Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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