Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
