Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize