Swine flu. Run for my life!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
