my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
