Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
