went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
