My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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