Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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