No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
