you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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