Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
