there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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