i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
