yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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