I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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