I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
