i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
