dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
