youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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