we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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