i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
