My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
