Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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