Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
