Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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