There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
