I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
