Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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