Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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