sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
