the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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