And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
