return my video game
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
