I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
