I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
