I wanna passion pit in your ass
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
