watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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