How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
