she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
