So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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