So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
two words: eviction party
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
