super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
