we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
