Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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