What a fucking waste of an outfit
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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