hotel room ftw
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
