Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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